Your TangotwitterThumbtackPinterestFacebook

Less Money Doesn’t Have to Mean More Problems

We have been living in a financially insecure economy for over seven years. Some of the stress from that has seeped into our relationships, which has led to a rise in divorces. Seventy percent of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about household chores, kids, and who left the toilet seat up.

Ironically, for some couples, these fights are actually a great chance to address some larger issues that they are facing. Here are eight actions you can take to save your marriage from becoming another statistic.

Read more: Less Money Doesn’t Have to Mean More Problems

Check in Time for Your New Year's Resolutions

We are on the crest of the start of summer.

Six months ago many people made resolutions to make their lives better in the coming 12 months. Some promised to lose weight, save money, spend more time with their kids, work fewer hours but, in general, the source was the same: the desire for change.

So, for all of you who made such declarations, I am asking for accountability: How is it going?

I took a small poll…10 people who I knew made such a promise in January. 8 of them pretty much said the same thing: “ I was really good for a few months, but things came up that threw me off my path…”

Keeping our personal commitments is very challenging, especially when we are not clear with ourselves; What are we doing, what are we thinking or feeling?
Is what is in front of us going to be good for us, or put us in peril?
Are we about to do something that will cause us to lose our self-respect or increase our trust in ourselves?

Read more: Check in Time for Your New Year's Resolutions

Don’t Let Financial Shame Hurt Your Relationships

Money conversations can bring up a wheelbarrow of issues, including shame, fear, and isolation — the trifecta of emotions. For “Susan,” these hidden feelings were beginning to wear on her relationship with her partner because she was never fully present in the moments they shared. The shame and fear of being in debt were taking control of her life.    

She pulled away from her spouse, avoiding certain conversations and situations that might expose her secret. Then the little lies started. When asked how she was, she would answer “fine,” even as her stomach was churning because her student loans were overdue.  

The secrets also began to affect Susan’s relationships with her siblings, parents, and friends. She had moved past the place where her debt was simply an issue of spending more than she earned. The shame was keeping her in a vicious cycle of debt and isolation.  

Read more: Don’t Let Financial Shame Hurt Your Relationships

3 Tips for Making Good Use of Your Dead-End Job

Do you get the Sunday afternoon blues? Do you start thinking about the next day with a sinking feeling? Do you rationalize that what you do for a living enables you to have a certain lifestyle? Do you wish for a change but are lost as to what would make you happy and fulfilled? Take heart: 70 percent of Americans feel detached from their jobs.

What stands in the way of getting what you want?

Do you sabotage your performance at work, or do you sabotage your chances of being happy, because you are afraid of declaring your real feelings?

Are you playing it safe, hiding in a dead-end job because you are afraid of getting too much attention and you want to stay below the radar? Does getting pushed out of your comfort zone make you freeze?

Do you meet women who seem confident, assured, and at ease and wish you could feel the same?  

Read more: 3 Tips for Making Good Use of Your Dead-End Job

The Addiction Button

addiction2It has become commonplace in our society today, that the word ‘addiction’ is used as often as Gazunheit.

And, it has become almost a condoned behavior, that when people march off to re-hab, we accept it as if our child is going to graduate school, again; the natural consequence of some scholarly study, in spite of the fact that our child has become the perennial student; always in school, never having an office to go to.

But addiction, by the definition of repetitive behaviors, much like Freud’s Repetitive Compulsion concept, will show up constantly in our everyday lives if we step back and gain some perspective on our actions.

Read more: The Addiction Button

Living Our Lives on Two tracks

walking on tracksA few weeks ago I was stressing over something that, quite frankly, had been a recurring issue. I was like a dog and a bone, chewing on it until my gums bled.

The real issue was not about money, but on the surface it appeared to be.

It was about feeling powerless.  

In spite of knowing the true source, the symptom kept dragging me around like someone was trying to pry open my jaws to release the well worn bone. I was not letting go.

I had the choice to let go…we all do, but staying attached to the symbol or metaphor became an addiction; I saw it, I felt the magnetic pull, but my little inner five-year old would not surrender.

Read more: Living Our Lives on Two tracks

Fear is not a stopsign...

For the last year and a half I have been working with a branding coach trying to define once and for all what exactly I do. The name FINANCIAL WHISPERER® sounds like I manage portfolios, or at the very least, dispense 401K information. As well, when I meet people, I spend the first 30 seconds explaining what I don’t do, and by then I’ve lost them, they’ve moved onto higher ground. It’s been frustrating, confusing, occasionally anxiety driven and has pecked away at my confidence when networking, because my definition has never been accurate.

I never talk about money; I always talk about the emotions that drive the behaviors that cause consequences in all of our relationships, money being one of them.

Read more: Fear is not a stopsign...

To learn how you can work directly with Pegi Burdick, The Financial Whisperer®, click here.