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Don’t Let Financial Shame Hurt Your Relationships

Money conversations can bring up a wheelbarrow of issues, including shame, fear, and isolation — the trifecta of emotions. For “Susan,” these hidden feelings were beginning to wear on her relationship with her partner because she was never fully present in the moments they shared. The shame and fear of being in debt were taking control of her life.    

She pulled away from her spouse, avoiding certain conversations and situations that might expose her secret. Then the little lies started. When asked how she was, she would answer “fine,” even as her stomach was churning because her student loans were overdue.  

The secrets also began to affect Susan’s relationships with her siblings, parents, and friends. She had moved past the place where her debt was simply an issue of spending more than she earned. The shame was keeping her in a vicious cycle of debt and isolation.  

Read more: Don’t Let Financial Shame Hurt Your Relationships

3 Tips for Making Good Use of Your Dead-End Job

Do you get the Sunday afternoon blues? Do you start thinking about the next day with a sinking feeling? Do you rationalize that what you do for a living enables you to have a certain lifestyle? Do you wish for a change but are lost as to what would make you happy and fulfilled? Take heart: 70 percent of Americans feel detached from their jobs.

What stands in the way of getting what you want?

Do you sabotage your performance at work, or do you sabotage your chances of being happy, because you are afraid of declaring your real feelings?

Are you playing it safe, hiding in a dead-end job because you are afraid of getting too much attention and you want to stay below the radar? Does getting pushed out of your comfort zone make you freeze?

Do you meet women who seem confident, assured, and at ease and wish you could feel the same?  

Read more: 3 Tips for Making Good Use of Your Dead-End Job

The Addiction Button

addiction2It has become commonplace in our society today, that the word ‘addiction’ is used as often as Gazunheit.

And, it has become almost a condoned behavior, that when people march off to re-hab, we accept it as if our child is going to graduate school, again; the natural consequence of some scholarly study, in spite of the fact that our child has become the perennial student; always in school, never having an office to go to.

But addiction, by the definition of repetitive behaviors, much like Freud’s Repetitive Compulsion concept, will show up constantly in our everyday lives if we step back and gain some perspective on our actions.

Read more: The Addiction Button

Living Our Lives on Two tracks

walking on tracksA few weeks ago I was stressing over something that, quite frankly, had been a recurring issue. I was like a dog and a bone, chewing on it until my gums bled.

The real issue was not about money, but on the surface it appeared to be.

It was about feeling powerless.  

In spite of knowing the true source, the symptom kept dragging me around like someone was trying to pry open my jaws to release the well worn bone. I was not letting go.

I had the choice to let go…we all do, but staying attached to the symbol or metaphor became an addiction; I saw it, I felt the magnetic pull, but my little inner five-year old would not surrender.

Read more: Living Our Lives on Two tracks

Fear is not a stopsign...

For the last year and a half I have been working with a branding coach trying to define once and for all what exactly I do. The name FINANCIAL WHISPERER® sounds like I manage portfolios, or at the very least, dispense 401K information. As well, when I meet people, I spend the first 30 seconds explaining what I don’t do, and by then I’ve lost them, they’ve moved onto higher ground. It’s been frustrating, confusing, occasionally anxiety driven and has pecked away at my confidence when networking, because my definition has never been accurate.

I never talk about money; I always talk about the emotions that drive the behaviors that cause consequences in all of our relationships, money being one of them.

Read more: Fear is not a stopsign...

Today's Challenge: Do Something Different

rock climbWe all read inspirational books, listen to recordings that sometimes sound as if they contain new information, and promise ourselves we will do better tomorrow. And them tomorrow arrives, and we are totally someplace else, having forgotten our promise.

Healing is a choice. And when we choose not to shift our thoughts, not to change our perspective, we are basically telling ourselves we do not deserve better.

Here’s the comedy of it all; we already have all the answers. What we are responding to when we read inspirational books is that those writers give us perspective when we are lost in that dark tunnel of confusion of who we really are and what we really want.

That conflict keeps us small, keeps us in the shadows, and then we hear what we think are profound words and go: “Ah-Ha!”  They are inspirational because we already knew that but could not access it because our fears stood in our way.

Read more: Today's Challenge: Do Something Different

Gaining Control Of Your Life

gain controlAt some point, everything and everybody can be defined by: Who has control? Who needs it? How does one get it?

  • When our finances have spun out of control, we panic.
  • When our relationships seem out of balance, we fret.
  • When we think no one hears us, no one 'gets' us, we feel agitated.

The daily choices we sometimes make seem small; don't complain to the waiter your coffee is cold, purchase something you don't need but want to when you are on a tight budget. Agree to do something because you are afraid to say no. Get angry at someone when it's really your fault.

Sound like someone you know?

Read more: Gaining Control Of Your Life

To learn how you can work directly with Pegi Burdick, The Financial Whisperer®, click here.