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Parenthood: The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love

parenthood

Parenthood is the toughest job on the planet, hands down. Mothers are the backbone of every society but get the least amount of support and minimal respect. Fathers regularly are shamed or treated unfairly because of different situations.  A condition I see repeated with all parents is confusion over seeing boundaries for themsleves and for their children. 

There is a major question though: Who teaches women and men how to be ‘good enough’ parents when they never received sufficient nurturing? Parents are role models for their children. How they conduct themselves will be copied, for better or for worse.

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Being the Good Enough Mom

Being a good enough Mom

I have a coaching practice in L.A. where most of my clients are moms.  They usually come to me to sort out their stressful financial issues…only to discover it’s really not about the money.  Mothers’ lives are more complicated than non-moms because having children automatically brings one into judgment about their ability and competence to be a Good Mother.

I help my clients understand the difference in being the PERFECT mother..versus being the Good Enough Mother.

The PERFECT mother holds herself on such an impossibly short leash that she in fact does more harm than good.

The Good Enough Mother admits she is flawed. Admits she makes mistakes with her children, admits to having her own needs that are independent of her children’s.  She is real with her kids, she is direct and non-manipulative, she tells the truth. She keeps her word. Kids copy everything you do, good and bad.

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Why Divorce Isn't Always Bad

divorce isn't all bad

Getting divorced, each time (2) really was a godsend; it freed me up to live my life with respect.

The first time I was married, it was for love, or so I thought. I was too young emotionally (25) and I was not grounded enough to be a ‘good’ wife. I was living with the traditional values I was brought up with; marry a Doctor, Lawyer ….who makes a good living, have kids, be happy (ha!) 

Well, he was a lawyer, but I could not get my needs met..we divorced 3 yrs later…he went on to marry a woman who did want the country club life…..and children..we occasionally speak, he is happy and so am I, but there are times when I do wonder, what would it be like today…We never really knew each other, we were too young.

I was devastated by the divorce but it did force me to move onto to a career (cooking) that made me happy for many years…

Read more: Why Divorce Isn't Always Bad

How A Turbulent Economy Brings Out Our Biggest Fears

Money worries

There's nothing like a dose of reality to shake us loose from our grip on denial. So, these times can be viewed as both a curse and a blessing. Wake up calls are exactly that: Wake up from the numbing slumber that has dulled one's commitment to take care of themselves, whether it be health, environment or finances.

For some, it takes a catastrophic event to crack the veneer of denial.

And oddly enough, some people still don't change, in spite of the event that had them making all sorts of deals with God a short time ago. They return to their seductive slumber, and continue to complain and posture themselves as the victim.

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Being The Person You Want To Be In The World

proud woman

When I am working with a new client, I usually ask: "On a scale of 1 to 100%, how are you on keeping commitments to the outside world? And how are you at keeping commitments to yourself?" Most of the time, the answer is: "100% to the outside world and 40% to myself." There are those rare times when the answer is: "100% to both."  But I know that, regardless, the root is the same, only the tools to heal are different.

When someone keeps commitments to him or herself 100%, they are a walking powder keg, on a tightrope that can snap at any moment. There is zero tolerance to make a mistake, but they can heal that judgment.

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Gaining Control Of Your Life

gain controlAt some point, everything and everybody can be defined by: Who has control? Who needs it? How does one get it?

  • When our finances have spun out of control, we panic.
  • When our relationships seem out of balance, we fret.
  • When we think no one hears us, no one 'gets' us, we feel agitated.

The daily choices we sometimes make seem small; don't complain to the waiter your coffee is cold, purchase something you don't need but want to when you are on a tight budget. Agree to do something because you are afraid to say no. Get angry at someone when it's really your fault.

Sound like someone you know?

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Giving Yourself Permission To Live The Life You Deserve

Taking a risk

If choice is the expression of true power, then permission, or entitlements, becomes a conduit to make it so. Permission is defined as authorizing change, giving freedom to what is restrained, and letting go.

This concept of needing permission is more common to women than men; men for the most part have an innate sense of entitlement resulting from the way their mothers nurtured them and from societal mores that continually reinforce that men have power. They are encouraged to be aggressive, forward-moving and on top.

Women grow up with a set of expectations that are different from those of men. As history has shown, men have most often led the charge and women have been the followers.

Since "Rosie the Riveter" emerged in WWII, women have taken on increasingly larger roles in the workforce and in politics. There has been a shifting of power from the one who has it to the one who needs it. Sometimes it takes a role model to set change in motion.

Read more: Giving Yourself Permission To Live The Life You Deserve

To learn how you can work directly with Pegi Burdick, The Financial Whisperer®, click here.