What do you really want in a relationship?
If intimacy, stay tuned.
If closeness, hang around.
If you’re seeking convenience, take a seat.
You can have all of these in your relationships, but not at the same time. And frankly, these three phrases can apply to all of your relationships.
What are the consequences when we are less than 100% honest with our spouses, our sisters, our co-worker, and even our mothers?
Do any of these questions ring a bell?
- Are you telling me the truth?
- Were you really working late at your office?
- Did you have dinner with your college friends?
- Were you looking at his girlfriend more than twice?
- Did you share the real source of the memo?
- Did you really put a deposit down on that timeshare?
- Were you tired or just avoiding intimacy?
It takes a brave person to be vulnerable — but that choice, ironically, makes us stronger.
If we want to have a deeply connected relationship, regardless of its context, we need to do the work required to give it roots.
Knowing someone takes time and the willingness of both parties to share and have the same core values. You don’t want the tomato to be sauce tomorrow.
Here are some suggestions that would help you dive into uncomfortable conversations
1. Be clear about how you feel especially if you are angry or feel shame.
2. Stay on point.
3. Don’t throw stones at this glass house if you want peace and resolution.
4. Don’t embellish how you feel into something much larger and harder to contain.
5. Don’t make it about the other person being wrong.
The ‘work’ starts before the wedding vows. Not everyone is a good match; what seems ‘normal’ or ‘fine’ can be written off by outsiders. What lurks underneath the façade of ‘normalcy’ is unpleasant and will show its true colors as conflicts arise and the couple starts to hold back their thoughts and feelings.
It’s time to take off the gloves and does some soul-searching. Ask yourself, “What am I holding back? Why do I not feel safe?”
Your relationship will only be as strong as you make it; a house made from brick or made from straw will not hold up.
The core of who someone is doesn’t change as they get older, thus the adage ‘What you see is what you get.’ If you do not trust the other person, it will show up in disconnected communication.
With consistency and a commitment to do the healing work, someone can soften those rough edges, but the inner core remains untouched. Those signs are what you should be noticing, those are WHO that person is.
Concealing thoughts or pieces of our lives from those who matter to us comes at a cost; feeling disconnected from them. And, as it turns out if you are holding back, so is your partner.
It all circles back to what you want in a relationship. And what does the other person want?
These answers will help you illuminate the path forward.
I originally published this on YourTango, reprinted here to share it with you!