This is Barbara’s story… There comes the day when you wake up and feel bewildered as to where you are. You just know that you are anywhere but happy. That moment is the tipping point of awareness that some things in your life feel vacant. When that day came for me, it wasn’t just a slight speed bump distracting me. It wasn’t a small …
Why Less Money Doesn’t Have to Mean More Problems. We have been living in a financially inflated economy for over seven years. Though in some areas there has been a significant uptick, some of that stress has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces. 70% of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about …
Here are some great tips from one of my former clients, Kristan! Are you dreaming of a debt free Christmas? I have to admit that there was a time in my life when the idea of even contemplating controlling my spending at the holidays would have thrown me into a full blown panic attack. I equated love with the size of my shopping receipts …
The holidays always stir up memories, and with them, feelings of guilt and expectations, especially when it comes to gift-giving. Somewhere along the line, how much we give or receive has become the measurement of love and appreciation: “The more expensive the gift, the more you love me.” At least that’s what I came to believe as a child. Now I am wiser without …
Are you a high earner, but still living paycheck to paycheck? Do people call you an overachiever, always pushing boundaries to get one more thing done? Can falling asleep sometimes feel like a war zone of worry, causing you to question your decisions from the day? Is the voice in your head relentless with criticism when you feel as if you’ve taken the wrong …
A few weeks ago, I took a call from a woman who was concerned that her bankruptcy would turn off any man she dated, thus creating a “no-fly zone” in her chances of remarrying. Her second marriage had lasted 11 years and she ran a successful company during that time. Since she bore much of the financial burden, when the company eventually went under, …
There’s never a megaphone around when you need it. I was last born into a family of five. With an older sister, older brother, and my parents, I had four times as many chances to be valued and celebrated, but at times I had equally as many chances to be pushed away and marginalized. The problem? Everyone, from a newborn baby to an adult, …
The drive to perfection is learned very early in one’s childhood as a misconception that if we are “perfect” we will be loved. But in fact, perfection is a shame based drive. It removes one from the moment, reduces playfulness and feeling free. It has no limits. The drive goes into infinity, floating without boundaries, a very different experience from excellence. Excellence is fueled …
Bonding is the term used to describe the dynamic of merging underlying needs to behaviors, which will then be the driving force behind every decision one makes for their entire life. That need will become disguised, re-shaped, re-directed as we gain tools, knowledge, and power. The child will pass out of the bonding stage as she gets more sophisticated and in some cases more …
Bonding Is the Driving Force Behind All Decisions Read More »
Several years ago we had a program where people could write their questions and we would provide answers. We found this little gem and wanted to share a common issue in families. Question: I have two young children and I grew up in a household where secrets and holding things back was frowned upon. The order of the day was to be always candid …
Can You Give Your Kids Too Much Information About Money? Read More »
What you avoid will control your relationship. As women, shame comes in our starter kit. The perception that we, as authentically born, are not “good enough”. Our worthiness is like a sieve; we hold those moments of pride fleetingly. We smile and nod with seeming to agree acknowledgments. We feel disconnected to the applause, accolades, and requests for attention. Our moment in the sun …
Shame about money can be the portal to intimacy in your relationship Read More »
It’s no secret that people spend more time planning their vacations than they do their retirement. Vacations and Christmas battle for which one gets the most attention, but at least vacations don’t dredge up guilt about gifts for the uncle you’ve never liked or how much to spend on your new beau when you’ve only been dating six weeks… The pressure vacations bring are: …
A woman meets a man at the tennis courts…they’re both in the pro shop purchasing balls. They date. They fall in love. On the surface, this looks like a dream come true; opposite money habits that fit like a piece of a jig-saw puzzle, but it’s actually a train wreck waiting to happen. How can one tell during the dating dance, which is whom? …
Breaking through financial secrets and resentment in your relationship. How often do you “turn the other cheek” only to find yourself in the same situation later-a situation that results in anger which you then suppress? How often do you witness your husband spending money on “toys” for him and then complaining that the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive? How often does your …
I was reviewing some clients’ profiles a while back and started to see a consistent theme: single, successful women; some with children, others without. I looked in the mirror and realized I was one of them. After two divorces and more years single than married, I am recently back on the dating trail, so I pondered the question: What are my chances of marrying …
Getting in your own way is another term for self-sabotage. Ultimately, we are the decision makers in our lives, whether it appears that way, or is hidden in metaphors and symbols. In sharing with others how self-sabotage can appear, I am often asked why we continue to do it and where it comes from. Self-sabotage is a protective behavior that we use when our …
Some people at times feel as though they are living someone else’s life — what they say, how they feel, and what they do never seem to match in a way that makes them feel whole. I have had many clients lament that they feel like they’re in a dense fog and can’t even see where they are standing, much less the road ahead. …
The less you know the more you’ll pay down the road. When you’re dating, the last thing you’re thinking about is your bank account. But are you setting yourself up for future financial blunders as you dance your way through potential suitors? He does the cha-cha; you follow gracefully. He changes pace with the California swing; you follow suit. He starts to tango; your …
We all read inspirational books, listen to recordings that sometimes sound as if it is new information, and promise ourselves we will do better tomorrow. And then tomorrow arrives, and we are totally someplace else, forgetting our promise. Healing is a choice. When we choose not to shift our thoughts, not to gain a perspective, we are basically telling ourselves we do not deserve …
Let me start by saying that whoever decided that white tile was a good idea should spend 3 months in floor washing purgatory; they will never suggest this again! I have a white tile kitchen floor, and I wash this floor every other day…I’m not obsessive mind you, but it looks terrible when even the slightest dirt gets on it. After repeated usage my …
As a coach, I have been helping women over the last nine years get clarity as to why they have financial stress and how to get rid of it. Of course, it’s never really about their money, it’s about their emotions that control their financial decisions. I get it, they get it. But what about the other 5000 tiny, subtle feelings that get overshadowed …
Many weeks ago, I came across my baby book. My mother had kept notes about me until I was four. She commented that I started dancing when I was three and had a good sense of rhythm and was very kind to our new tri-color puppy, Chips. When I was four, she commented again about how attentive and remarkably nurturing I was to him …
Why Less Money Doesn’t Have To Mean More Problems We have been living in a financially insecure economy for over seven years and even though in some areas there has been a significant uptick, some of the stress from that has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces. 70% of married couples fight about money, which is more …
2017 is a milestone year for me as a coach. It was ten years ago that my life made a 45-degree turn, and everything as I knew it did not shift with me, in fact except for my cat and dog, everything changed…my job, my rented beach house, my marriage. The wisdom of a door closing and another one opening prevails, although at the …
It’s 3 AM. Do you know where your money is? You and your partner have decided to buy a house, and your fear is that your credit report will show a bankruptcy you never mentioned before getting married. Or, your long neglected student loan is learning to play the violin in case you have to resort to becoming a street musician for extra cash. …
When I was a mortgage broker in 2005, it was a common practice to bundle homeowners’ debts into their refinance or their purchase. The rationalization was that a person could start fresh, with zero unsecured debt, and stay that way. Some of the lenders even made that criteria in providing the loan to the homeowner. It sounded great to me ten years ago when …
“I awake with deep feelings of being lost and the overwhelming discomfort of hopelessness…” So began my journal nine years ago. One of the lessons I have learned over these nine years is: As we ascend towards wholeness and become increasingly more authentic, our sensors of awareness broaden so that we experience more softness, joy and fear. One cannot filter out the pain without …
For you to make good choices in life, you need to know WHO you are. You have to do what is right for you which may not be the same as your sibling, your best friend, or your mother. It is your responsibility to stay as authentic as possible and to keep true to your core values. Knowing who you are will help you …
5 Secrets To Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions Read More »
Here are some great tips from one of my former clients Kristan! Are you dreaming of a debt free Christmas? I have to admit that there was a time in my life when the idea of even contemplating controlling my spending at the holidays would have thrown me into a full blown panic attack. I equated love with the size of my shopping receipts …
5 Ways to Stay out of Debtors Prison this Christmas Read More »
The holidays always stir up memories, and with them, feelings of guilt and expectations, especially when it comes to gift-giving. Somewhere along the line, how much we give or receive has become the measurement of love and appreciation: “The more expensive the gift, the more you love me.” At least that’s what I came to believe as a child. Now I am wiser without …
Have you noticed lately that everyone is becoming more edgy and cranky? Last week, The New York Times ran a story by Claire Martin about a business that provides “Anger Rooms”, where people pay to take a bat and beat up TV’s and other “smashable” objects to release their repressed rage. This new idea for a business doesn’t surprise me much as I have …
“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!” Read More »
Do you get the Sunday afternoon blues? Do you start thinking about the next day with a sinking feeling? Do you rationalize that what you do for a living enables you to have a certain lifestyle? Do you wish for a change but are lost as to what would make you happy and fulfilled? Take heart: 70 percent of Americans feel detached from their …
The other day, I overheard someone use the phrase, “she is her own worst enemy.” I know what that means and I know how that feels. I had been a life-long member of that club. But, we never hear: “she is her own best friend.” Here’s one of my former client’s internal contradiction: Barbara, let’s call her, could feel completely comfortable and at ease …
What does how we live say about who we are? And what does it imply about what’s truly happening inside of our minds and hearts? I’ll tell you. Our environment – whether it’s our car, bedroom, or home – gives our inner five-year-old a chance to make a statement. She/he also has the opportunity to make a statement in one’s finances, food, choice of …
The way you do one thing IS the way you do everything Read More »
We are all masters of manipulation. We learn this form of communication from birth by copying what we experience with our parents and siblings. Monkey see, monkey do. It’s a form of emotional blackmail, hiding what our true needs are. You’ve manipulated others, and you’ve been manipulated, too. Do you see that’s the truth for us all? Conversely, when children are raised with respect …
What’s the biggest issue for partners? Staying 100 percent faithful. When I think about infidelity’s impact on a marriage, my first reaction is: Where is the prenup? Unfortunately, most people don’t get a prenup because they are afraid to talk about money or their financial expectations (and they live in a fantasyland and believe divorce will never knock on their door). Ah-ha: Herein lies …
How to Protect Yourself Financially If Your Partner Cheats Read More »
Getting divorced, each time (2) really was a godsend; it freed me up to live my life with respect. The first time I was married, it was for love, or so I thought. I was too young emotionally (25) and I was not grounded enough to be a ‘good’ wife. I was living with the traditional values I was brought up with; marry a …
This month I talk about GRIEVING and how it is an important part of letting go and moving on. Grieving In a YouTube segment by Kelly Corrigan, when she said that it is as much an honor to witness a birth as it is to witness one’s passing, I started to see the ‘book-ends’ in our lives from a new perspective and to confirm …
I have a coaching practice in L.A. where most of my clients are mothers. They usually come to me to sort out their stressful financial issues…only to discover it’s really not about the money. Mothers’ lives are more complicated than non-moms because having children automatically brings one into judgment about their ability and competence to be a Good Mother. I help my clients understand …
“Being out of control with my money makes me feel as if I am not enough…the implications that I am worthless because I cannot get out of debt.” I often receive e-mails from people from around the world telling me of their financial struggles. With their permission, I am going to share some of their e-mails with you as a learning tool. “I make …
A few weeks ago, I took a call from a woman who was concerned that her bankruptcy would turn off any man she dated, thus creating a “no-fly zone” in her chances of remarrying. Her second marriage had lasted 11 years and she ran a successful company during that time. Since she bore much of the financial burden, when the company eventually went under, …
Change always requires a shift in our thoughts and sometimes, perspective but always, our behaviors.
For the last year and a half I have been working with a branding coach trying to define once and for all what exactly I do. The name FINANCIAL WHISPERER® sounds like I manage portfolios, or at the very least, dispense 401K information. As well, when I meet people, I spend the first 30 seconds explaining what I don’t do, and by then I’ve …
My life unraveled when I was 58. I was at my own financial cliff; I was getting divorced, moving out of our too expensive beach house in LA, my favorite dog was dying, and I need gum surgery. The intersection of denial and reality forced me to make a choice. I chose to save my own life, and the journey that ensured gave me …