The other day, I overheard someone use the phrase, “she is her own worst enemy.”
I know what that means and I know how that feels. I had been a life-long member of that club.
But, we never hear: “she is her own best friend.”
Here’s one of my former client’s internal contradiction:
Barbara, let’s call her, could feel completely comfortable and at ease with her body. She felt attractive and moved gracefully through her life, for the most part.
But, there were pockets of shame and feelings of inadequacy. When a key memory from her past got triggered, that same attractive, seemingly confident woman was rendered to tears.
Pretty powerful memories, pretty powerful childhood assumptions. We imprint into our emotional Rolodex painful childhood experiences and even embellish them as the years pass.
It’s in those moments of pain that we should be calling our inner best friend to comfort us and give us perspective.
Those old feelings, which are our recurring internal themes, have become a habit. And those habits hold us back from living a life of ease, and from living a life that uniquely belongs to us.
What we think about every day affects how we feel, so if those habits keep repeating themselves, we constantly feel unworthy, not entitled, and can’t get out of our own way.
Our childhoods are the foundation of our personal values and belief systems. And, it can take a lifetime to shift our negative memories.
It’s complicated, but those belief systems often get expressed in symbols and metaphors as we get older. Our internal best friend always keeps one eye on us, like an older sister would, but when those negative voices are constantly floating around in our heads, our loving and compassionate voices are silent.
When we wrestle in the present with those snarky old thoughts and feelings, we often find ourselves making poor choices, which we will regret later.
If we see our lives as a wagon wheel, the center hub controls the spokes. The spokes represent the different parts of our life; finances, children, spouse, pets, job, health…you get the picture.
The Hub represents our self-esteem. If it is cracked, the wheel will wobble. If it is glued back together, we will feel at ease, be in control of our lives and those internal critical voices will be gone.
How does one become their own best friend? The tools I use are tapping (GOOGLE Brad Yates) and the Hawaiian Chant of forgiveness.
The goal, always, is to bring ourselves back to feeling grounded and calm. Author Susan Piver teaches in her meditation process the technique of visualizing your FEAR in the moment as if it is the puffy green Michelin Man…and he is sitting on your toes.
This exercise will sound like a contraction, but it’s really about practicing being FEARLESS.
As you draw him closer to your face, he gets smaller…not larger, and as you breathe through that movement, the feeling of fear will diminish. Try it next time you feel afraid and watch the magic unfold.
Now you have your control back. And, you have begun to feel whole, your self-esteem starts to build and the hub of the wheel feels more connected.
Reward your inner best friend, take her for an ice cream.
Don’t fret if you find yourself needing to visualize ten times a day. The more you use this technique now, the less you will need it in the future as you travel on your personal journey of awareness.