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Making Peace With Those Voices In Your Head

We all have them…welcome to being human, welcome to being female.

Often those voices are snarky, and negative, rarely of praise and compliment.

Those internal conversations tend to be one sided and slowly lull us into the pit of shame, the caldron of fear. And, when those voices start to creep into how we feel about ourselves, our bodies respond by extremes; over eating or not eating, sleeping too much or getting up multiple times during the night. We experience unexplained fatigue or feeling restless and distracted all the time.

For some, shopping therapy will be the distraction of choice, even if it’s online at midnight, and then we keep inviting that faceless monster back for an additional dose of mental cruelty by having physical proof we are out of control with our money; we just spent $300 at LL Bean online for winter clothes during the summer. Why do we even have the internal dialogs?  Where do those conversations come from?

Read more: Making Peace With Those Voices In Your Head

Getting in Your Own Way

Getting in our own way is another term for self-sabotage. Ultimately, we are the decision makers in our lives, whether it appears that way, or is hidden in metaphors and symbols.

In sharing with others how self-sabotage can appear, I am often asked why we continue to do it and where it comes from.

Self-sabotage is a protective behavior that we use when our internal mechanism feels fearful. Everything we do is on some level, a re-enactment of our early childhood experiences, many of which we have imprinted as messages that create fear within us.

Sabotage is at work when a poor decision we have made, interferes with what is best for us. What we should be doing daily is living our lives authentically and fully. Robbing ourselves of that experience keeps us small and feeling powerless. And at some point, we will become angry, and that anger will hold us back too.

Maybe this is you: your reports are always late, riddled with the same type of mistakes over and over, eliciting from your boss a stern conversation. Or you cut corners and hope that no one notices (except that you lose respect for yourself.) Sometimes you play the helpless victim, when in fact you could be making other choices and taking back your power. Or, things are not your fault and you blame others.

Where does it come from?

Read more: Getting in Your Own Way

Learning to Let Go is the Hardest Thing to Do

This month I talk about GRIEVING and how it is an important part of letting go and moving on.

Grieving

In a YouTube segment by Kelly Corrigan, when she said that it is as much an honor to witness a birth as it is to witness one's passing, I started to see the 'book-ends' in our lives from a new perspective and to confirm that our tangible existence is made up of many layers. The physicalness of acknowledging a loved one moving from the material world back to the spiritual world is honored in structured rituals; wakes, sitting Shiva, funerals, bagpipes at dusk, 21-gun salutes.  But what about the invisible passing of something internal; saying goodbye to your childhood fantasies of becoming a professional athlete, saying goodbye to your innocence, saying goodbye to your fears, saying goodbye to the desire finally for once and for all to be truly loved by your parents or accepted by your siblings?

How do we ritualize these passings? How do we get permission to let go of what has defined us all these years even if it was dysfunctional...you had ownership of your dysfunction.

Read more: Learning to Let Go is the Hardest Thing to Do

5 Steps to Making Your Voice Heard

I was last born in a family of five. With an older sister, older brother, and my parents, I had four times as many chances to be valued and celebrated, but at times I had equally as many chances to be pushed away and marginalized.

The problem? Everyone, from a newborn baby to an adult, has certain core needs: warmth, closeness, and acceptance. Frankly, my 99-year-old dad has the same needs. If these emotions were ignored or complicated in childhood, it can affect your life, and financial, decisions today.

Read more: 5 Steps to Making Your Voice Heard

Why You Should Be Grateful for Stressful Moments

It’s that special time of year again when our lives are filled with ideas of love and joy, and the very real holiday stress that is added to our daily struggles. If you are feeling overwhelmed this holiday season by the daunting challenges you face, it may be time to change your perspective and start to consider that these are really lessons waiting to be learned. Acknowledging your difficulties with gratitude can help you transform them into opportunities to grow and make your journey easier.

Let’s face it, most people don’t get an even break in this life. But for those who are inquisitive and have an inkling of self-awareness, trying to find the balance in their daily routines, or even believing that they deserve to be happy, can sometimes feel like pushing a sofa down a football field — without casters.

Read more: Why You Should Be Grateful for Stressful Moments

How To Regain Control Of Your Financial Debt

Are you a high earner, but still live paycheck to paycheck? Do people call you an overachiever, always pushing boundaries to get one more thing done? Can falling asleep sometimes feel like a war zone of worry, keeping you questioning your decisions during the day? Is the voice in your head relentless with criticism when you feel as if you’ve taken the wrong road?                                    

If this sounds like you, you aren’t alone. According to the Federal Reserve’s General Social Survey, fifty-four percent of women have little to no money left over after paying bills, and nearly two-thirds of American women from ages 40-79 have already dealt with a major financial crisis — such as job loss, death of a spouse, a serious illness — that drained financial assets. With the national average household debt at $54,000, it’s a problem affecting women of all income levels.

So how can you stop your rising debt from turning you into just another one of these statistics? In order to break the cycle of overspending once and for all, you need to learn how to find and weed out the root cause.

Read more: How To Regain Control Of Your Financial Debt

The Drive for PERFECTION is an Endless Journey

"Being out of control with my money makes me feel as if I am not enough...the implications that I am worthless because I cannot get out of debt."

I often receive e-mails from people from around the world telling me of their financial struggles.

With their permission, I am going to share some of their e-mails with you as a learning tool. 

“I make a lot of money, by some people’s standard, but I live paycheck to paycheck and feel as if I live on the edge of financial ruin.

My husband and I argue about money and it always comes down to control and touches off feelings of shame for me, feelings of inadequacies for him. But, we never use those words.

Read more: The Drive for PERFECTION is an Endless Journey

To learn how you can work directly with Pegi Burdick, The Financial Whisperer®, click here.

What Causes You To Be Unhappy?

Feeling Out Of Control

What does how we live say about who we are? Chaos breeds confusion, lack of focus and pain. Read on.

Putting Things Off

All too often people put their own needs behind those they care for to their detriment as well as those they love. Read on.

Not Feeling Deserving

Do you need someone to tell you you’re worth it? Let me be the one to say it loud and clear: you deserve a healthy happy life. Read on.

 

Anger

For many, it’s easier to hide their true feelings than to admit they are sad, miserable and lonely. But hiding your true needs prevents you from the life you desire. You can fix this. Read on.

Holding Onto Shame

Ask yourself: On a scale of 1-100% how good are you at keeping your word to those you love and to yourself? You’d be surprised at how core this issue is to your happiness. Read on.

How You Get In Your Own Way

Self-sabotage is a sneaky way we prevent ourselves from reaching our dreams. How are you interfering with your own desires without even knowing it? Read on.