Self Improvement

You Talkin’ to Me???

The voices in our heads are hidden in plain sight. We all have them… welcome to being human. Often those voices are snarky and negative, rarely of praise and compliment. Those internal conversations tend to be one-sided and slowly lull us into the pit of shame, the cauldron of fear, the repository of feelings. And, when those voices start to creep into how we …

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love or money

For Love or Money

Find success in love AND your career! I was reviewing some clients’ profiles a while back and started to see a consistent sub-group forming; single, successful women. Man less. I looked in the mirror, Snow White notwithstanding, and realized I was one of them. After two divorces and more years single than married, I am recently back on the dating trail. I pondered the …

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intimacy

The Magic of Intimacy

Intimacy is learned at birth. The first eight to ten months of an infant’s life is the critical building block of time in his or her ability to trust, which confirms their self-esteem. The “good enough” mother will hold her infant to her warmth constantly and be able to anticipate the needs of her child. That need and appropriate expectation signals to the newborn: …

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Permission

You should not need to ask permission to be who you are. It’s about control: who has it, who needs it, how does one get it. I have a list of critical words: #1 is NO: a statement of boundaries. #2 is WHY: a statement of accountability. # 3 is PERMISSION: a statement of control. This concept of needing permission is more common in …

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perfection

Perfection… the Endless Journey

The drive for PERFECTION is learned very early in one’s childhood. It is based upon the assumption that if we are “perfect” we will be loved. But in fact, PERFECTION is a SHAME-based drive. It removes one from the moment, reduces playfulness and confidence. It has no limits. The drive for PERFECTION goes on into infinity, which is limitless, and has no boundaries to …

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Not Feeling Worthy

I love talent shows and makeovers. Yes, I love the FAB 5 and wish I could have lunch with them. And Britain’s Got Talent is my go-to show to relax. Both have a transformative quality; in one, it’s about someone who has a big dream and a small stage. In the other, the person wants to start over and get a second chance at …

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shame can be the portal

Shame about money can be the portal to intimacy in your relationship

What you avoid will control your relationship. As women, shame comes in our starter kit. The perception that we, as authentically born, are not “good enough”. Our worthiness is like a sieve; we hold those moments of pride fleetingly. We smile and nod with seeming to agree acknowledgments. We feel disconnected to the applause, accolades, and requests for attention. Our moment in the sun …

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financial double standards

It’s Time to Discuss Financial Double Standards

Breaking through financial secrets and resentment in your relationship. How often do you “turn the other cheek” only to find yourself in the same situation later-a situation that results in anger which you then suppress? How often do you witness your husband spending money on “toys” for him and then complaining that the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive? How often does your …

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success love and career

Find success in love AND your career!

I was reviewing some clients’ profiles a while back and started to see a consistent theme: single, successful women; some with children, others without. I looked in the mirror and realized I was one of them. After two divorces and more years single than married, I am recently back on the dating trail, so I pondered the question: What are my chances of marrying …

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getting in your own way

Getting In Your Own Way

Getting in your own way is another term for self-sabotage. Ultimately, we are the decision makers in our lives, whether it appears that way, or is hidden in metaphors and symbols. In sharing with others how self-sabotage can appear, I am often asked why we continue to do it and where it comes from. Self-sabotage is a protective behavior that we use when our …

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antidote to fear

How Competence Is the Antidote to Fear

Let me start by saying that whoever decided that white tile was a good idea should spend 3 months in floor washing purgatory; they will never suggest this again! I have a white tile kitchen floor, and I wash this floor every other day…I’m not obsessive mind you, but it looks terrible when even the slightest dirt gets on it. After repeated usage my …

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permission to be your true self

Your True Self

As a coach, I have been helping women over the last nine years get clarity as to why they have financial stress and how to get rid of it. Of course, it’s never really about their money, it’s about their emotions that control their financial decisions. I get it, they get it. But what about the other 5000 tiny, subtle feelings that get overshadowed …

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needs are showing

Whoops! Your needs are showing…

Many weeks ago, I came across my baby book. My mother had kept notes about me until I was four. She commented that I started dancing when I was three and had a good sense of rhythm and was very kind to our new tri-color puppy, Chips. When I was four, she commented again about how attentive and remarkably nurturing I was to him …

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self accepting

Our Struggle With Being Self-Accepting

“I awake with deep feelings of being lost and the overwhelming discomfort of hopelessness…” So began my journal nine years ago. One of the lessons I have learned over these nine years is: As we ascend towards wholeness and become increasingly more authentic, our sensors of awareness broaden so that we experience more softness, joy and fear. One cannot filter out the pain without …

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not going to take it anymore

“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Have you noticed lately that everyone is becoming more edgy and cranky? Last week, The New York Times ran a story by Claire Martin about a business that provides “Anger Rooms”, where people pay to take a bat and beat up TV’s and other “smashable” objects to release their repressed rage. This new idea for a business doesn’t surprise me much as I have …

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becoming your own best friend

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

The other day, I overheard someone use the phrase, “she is her own worst enemy.” I know what that means and I know how that feels. I had been a life-long member of that club. But, we never hear: “she is her own best friend.” Here’s one of my former client’s internal contradiction: Barbara, let’s call her, could feel completely comfortable and at ease …

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emotional extortion

Manipulation: 7 Vehicles Of Emotional Extortion

We are all masters of manipulation. We learn this form of communication from birth by copying what we experience with our parents and siblings. Monkey see, monkey do. It’s a form of emotional blackmail, hiding what our true needs are. You’ve manipulated others, and you’ve been manipulated, too. Do you see that’s the truth for us all? Conversely, when children are raised with respect …

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fear is not a stop sign

Fear Is Not A Stop Sign

For the last year and a half I have been working with a branding coach trying to define once and for all what exactly I do. The name FINANCIAL WHISPERER® sounds like I manage portfolios, or at the very least, dispense 401K information. As well, when I meet people, I spend the first 30 seconds explaining what I don’t do, and by then I’ve …

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How to Improve Your Financial Life

My life unraveled when I was 58. I was at my own financial cliff; I was getting divorced, moving out of our too expensive beach house in LA, my favorite dog was dying, and I need gum surgery. The intersection of denial and reality forced me to make a choice. I chose to save my own life, and the journey that ensured gave me …

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