We all read inspirational books, listen to a recording that sometimes sounds as if it is new information, and promise ourselves we will do better tomorrow.
And then tomorrow shows up on our doorstep, and we are emotionally someplace else, forgetting our promise.
Healing is a choice.
When we choose not to shift our thoughts, not to gain a perspective, we are basically telling ourselves we do not deserve better.
But here’s the comedy of it all; we already have all the answers to healing inside of us. But unless someone keeps their commitments, talking about spending lottery winnings but never buying a ticket, they are in a fantasy.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
When we read inspirational books, those writers give us perspective when we are lost in that dark tunnel of confusion of who we really are, and what we really want.
That conflict between what they are teaching keeps us small, keeps us in the shadows, and then we hear what we think are profound words and go: “Ah-Ha!”
Their comments resonate with us and are inspirational because we already knew that… but could not access it because fear stood in our way.
What stops people from keeping self-commitments?
Plain and simple; the fear is that if we are to be seen for who we are authentically, we will get thrown off the bus… abandoned, and for a very young child, that feels like a death threat.
How does the fear of abandonment show up when we are now 45? Is it in our finances?
The commitment to save money—even $100 a month—is sabotaged when you buy a sweater you cannot live without. Fear of abandonment can cause compulsive behaviors.
Unless that person had enough experiences to repair self-esteem and confidence, that fear appears as self-sabotage when making the choice to keep a self-commitment; even something simple like making the commitment to exercise daily ends up being occasionally, versus every day.
Why couldn’t that commitment be maintained? Fear of being successful in the smallest measure… which often is played out on a grander scale: not making enough money, not living to one’s full potential, and living in the grip of the facade of powerlessness.
All our childhood dramas get played out on symbolic levels when we are older; what appears to be one thing can actually be something totally different. This will domino into finances… what you see is what you get.
I knew someone growing up who was afraid of pigeons… and lived in Chicago.
For her, the pigeons symbolize the unpredictable environment of the home she grew up in; just as being unable to predetermine the path of an oncoming pigeon, she could not predict the oncoming rejection from her parents as a young child.
So, how do we keep our self-commitments?
The missing link when someone does not keep self-commitments is a lack of self-trust.
How do we shift that?
Picture a railroad track traveling through the countryside. Then add four stations along the route.
The first station on the left is Keeping Self-Commitments. The second station is Respect, the third is Trust and the last one is Self-love. (I will send this map to you)
When we keep our self-commitments, we build our self-respect and self-esteem. As we become consistent, we begin to rely upon ourselves and ground our ability to trust our instincts.
All of these simply mindful choices shoo away the bees trying to distract and keep us small.
Commit to making healthier choices; choosing to heal rather than stewing in our own juices.
Choose to stand up for ourselves even in the face of possible ramifications.
Choose not to worry and instead, trust the universe that things will be okay. The answer is that simple and clear… make different choices.
Be aware that the bees have left the hive; from a distance, it looks menacing. Upon closer inspection, the hive is empty. We can consciously shift our behavior by choosing what to think about.
Fears are rooted in our childhoods, but we can move on, we can make different choices now.
But, knowing the answer and acting upon it is not so simple. What we always need to do is take baby steps so that we can monitor that the world does not stop spinning because we make other choices.
That’s how we build our confidence, our sense of competence.
After all, our bodies have moved on, we need to give our emotional side permission to do the same. This month, I did something I never do. I listened to a book on tape. I am in the car 2 hours a day, so this turned out to be the perfect choice… although trying to take notes while going 60 mph was challenging.
“The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die,” by John Izzo, is the perfect book for those going through stressful times. It amazes me how simple life can be if we let go and allow ourselves to experience the world as it truly is instead of how we interpret it according to our fears.
His book is profound in its simplicity and gives great lessons that truly work, and great tools for taking on your self-awareness journey.
Self-Commitment, Respect, and Self-love will guide you home.