Shopping habits out of control.

What To Do When Your Shopping Habit Goes From Fun Distraction To Self-Destructive

There’s nothing wrong with a little retail therapy, but sometimes it goes too far. My boyfriend broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming. After hours of replaying the conversation and trying to figure out what I did “wrong”, I took a walk. I wanted frozen yogurt, so it seemed natural to stop in at the mall for a little distraction. That was my […]

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Woman at her computer upset that she's bad with money in an article by Pegi Burdick.

The Harsh Reason You’re Bad With Money (& How To Get Better)

Financial stress often comes from shame, which can feel paralyzing. Here’s where to start to solve your spending issues. As a financial coach for women in business, whether they are sole entrepreneurs or climbing the corporate ladder, they often share the same feeling: ashamed about their financial situation. And that can cover a whole range of topics. Feeling that you need to hide those

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Arguing couple in an article on how to stop fighting about money.

How To Stop Fighting With Your Sweetie About Money (Because It Only Makes You Bitter!)

A financial coach’s three steps to making peace with your partner (and your finances). Do you have the same argument with your partner, repeatedly? If so, it’s likely that repetitive argument is based on money, especially if your opinions on finances totally different. Is he a spender, and you are more cautious? Or vice-versa? Other differences may be situation. For instance, he may want to help his parents

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Couple holding hands in an article on emotional connection.

The Crucial Ingredient Missing From Almost All Insecure Relationships

Without it, you just can’t thrive — no matter how compatible you seem. Every day when I take a break from working, I go on Facebook to look for funny animal videos. The videos that mesmerize me the most are the ones where the Koi fish nuzzles the cat, the deer who has been playing with the dog for eight years, or my favorite: the

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always arguing

How To Deal With People Who Think You’re Arguing Every Time You Try To Express Yourself

You feel attacked, but so do they. What now? Where’s the podium when you need one? I was the last born child in a family of five. With an older sister and brother, and my parents, I had four times as many chances to be valued and celebrated, but I had equally as many chances to be pushed away and marginalized. The problem? Everyone,

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Couple in love in an article on mastering uncomfortable conversations.

5 Ways To Master Uncomfortable Conversations In Your Relationship (So Your Love Can Grow Deeper)

What do you really want in a relationship? Clarity? If intimacy, stay tuned. If closeness, hang around. If you’re seeking convenience, take a seat. You can have all of these in your relationships, but not at the same time. And frankly, these three phrases can apply to all of your relationships. What are the consequences when we are less than 100% honest with our

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make change

9 Tips To Point Your Kids Toward Financial Success

What To Do When Your Kids Are Clueless About Money So often I hear parents lament about how their children can’t seem to manage their money; always ‘borrowing,’ and never returning the cash or spending their allowance on things that seem impractical. Or, out of school and living at home without contributing to the monthly nut. Teaching our children good financial habits is easier

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Do You Talk to Yourself?

The voices in our heads are hidden in plain sight. We all have them… welcome to being human. Often those voices are snarky and negative, rarely of praise and compliment. Those internal conversations tend to be one-sided and slowly lull us into the pit of shame, the cauldron of fear, the repository of feelings. And, when those voices start to creep into how we

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love or money

For Love or Money

Find success in love AND your career! I was reviewing some clients’ profiles a while back and started to see a consistent sub-group forming; single, successful women. Man less. I looked in the mirror, Snow White notwithstanding, and realized I was one of them. After two divorces and more years single than married, I am recently back on the dating trail. I pondered the

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boys

The Secret Lives of Boys

I was talking to a mother the other day about the tragedy of the fatal car accident at her son’s school. The classmate who died wasn’t her son’s best friend, but they knew each other as kids do when they share classes, familiar but not close. The mother was badly shaken up and took many days to try and make sense of something senseless. 

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intimacy

The Magic of Intimacy

Intimacy is learned at birth. The first eight to ten months of an infant’s life is the critical building block of time in his or her ability to trust, which confirms their self-esteem. The “good enough” mother will hold her infant to her warmth constantly and be able to anticipate the needs of her child. That need and appropriate expectation signals to the newborn:

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shame can be the portal

Shame: The More You Hide It, The Deeper It Gets

Shame is huge. Quoting psychologist Michael Lewis, medical correspondent Holly Van Scoy calls it “the quintessential emotion.” Donald I. Nathanson, M.D., said, “All extravagant behaviors are reactions to it.” Shame is a learned response resulting from adult comments and behaviors designed to control a child’s behavior. It’s often generational, passed down from parent to child, and then to the child’s child. As a controlling

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Permission

You should not need to ask permission to be who you are. It’s about control: who has it, who needs it, how does one get it. I have a list of critical words: #1 is NO: a statement of boundaries. #2 is WHY: a statement of accountability. # 3 is PERMISSION: a statement of control. This concept of needing permission is more common in

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perfection

Perfection… the Endless Journey

The drive for PERFECTION is learned very early in one’s childhood. It is based upon the assumption that if we are “perfect” we will be loved. But in fact, PERFECTION is a SHAME-based drive. It removes one from the moment, reduces playfulness and confidence. It has no limits. The drive for PERFECTION goes on into infinity, which is limitless, and has no boundaries to

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Not Feeling Worthy

I love talent shows and makeovers. Yes, I love the FAB 5 and wish I could have lunch with them. And Britain’s Got Talent is my go-to show to relax. Both have a transformative quality; in one, it’s about someone who has a big dream and a small stage. In the other, the person wants to start over and get a second chance at

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debt define you

8 Tips to Save Your Marriage

Why Less Money Doesn’t Have to Mean More Problems. We have been living in a financially inflated economy for over seven years. Though in some areas there has been a significant uptick, some of that stress has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces. 70% of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about

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perfection

Perfection – The Journey Without a Destination

The drive to perfection is learned very early in one’s childhood as a misconception that if we are “perfect” we will be loved. But in fact, perfection is a shame based drive. It removes one from the moment, reduces playfulness and feeling free. It has no limits. The drive goes into infinity, floating without boundaries, a very different experience from excellence. Excellence is fueled

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bonding decisions

Bonding Is the Driving Force Behind All Decisions

Bonding is the term used to describe the dynamic of merging underlying needs to behaviors, which will then be the driving force behind every decision one makes for their entire life. That need will become disguised, re-shaped, re-directed as we gain tools, knowledge, and power. The child will pass out of the bonding stage as she gets more sophisticated and in some cases more

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shame can be the portal

Shame About Money Can be the Portal to Intimacy in Your Relationship

What you avoid will control your relationship. As women, shame comes in our starter kit. The perception that we, as authentically born, are not “good enough”. Our worthiness is like a sieve; we hold those moments of pride fleetingly. We smile and nod with seeming to agree acknowledgments. We feel disconnected to the applause, accolades, and requests for attention. Our moment in the sun

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vacation without going broke

Go On Vacation Without Going Broke

It’s no secret that people spend more time planning their vacations than they do their retirement. Vacations and Christmas battle for which one gets the most attention, but at least vacations don’t dredge up guilt about gifts for the uncle you’ve never liked or how much to spend on your new beau when you’ve only been dating six weeks… The pressure vacations bring are:

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financial double standards

It’s Time to Discuss Financial Double Standards

Breaking through financial secrets and resentment in your relationship. How often do you “turn the other cheek” only to find yourself in the same situation later-a situation that results in anger which you then suppress? How often do you witness your husband spending money on “toys” for him and then complaining that the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive? How often does your

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getting in your own way

Getting In Your Own Way

Getting in your own way is another term for self-sabotage. Ultimately, we are the decision makers in our lives, whether it appears that way, or is hidden in metaphors and symbols. In sharing with others how self-sabotage can appear, I am often asked why we continue to do it and where it comes from. Self-sabotage is a protective behavior that we use when our

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childhood affects our choices as adults

How Our Childhood Affects Our Choices As Adults

We all read inspirational books, listen to recordings that sometimes sound as if it is new information, and promise ourselves we will do better tomorrow. And then tomorrow arrives, and we are totally someplace else, forgetting our promise. Healing is a choice. When we choose not to shift our thoughts, not to gain a perspective, we are basically telling ourselves we do not deserve

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permission to be your true self

Your True Self

As a coach, I have been helping women over the last nine years get clarity as to why they have financial stress and how to get rid of it. Of course, it’s never really about their money, it’s about their emotions that control their financial decisions. I get it, they get it. But what about the other 5000 tiny, subtle feelings that get overshadowed

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tension in your marriage

The $$ Tension In Your Marriage

Why Less Money Doesn’t Have To Mean More Problems We have been living in a financially insecure economy for over seven years and even though in some areas there has been a significant uptick, some of the stress from that has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces. 70% of married couples fight about money, which is more

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core values

Living Your Core Values

2017 is a milestone year for me as a coach. It was ten years ago that my life made a 45-degree turn, and everything as I knew it did not shift with me, in fact except for my cat and dog, everything changed…my job, my rented beach house, my marriage. The wisdom of a door closing and another one opening prevails, although at the

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holiday stress

Surviving The Holiday Stress…

The holidays always stir up memories, and with them, feelings of guilt and expectations, especially when it comes to gift-giving. Somewhere along the line, how much we give or receive has become the measurement of love and appreciation: “The more expensive the gift, the more you love me.” At least that’s what I came to believe as a child. Now I am wiser without

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not going to take it anymore

“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Have you noticed lately that everyone is becoming more edgy and cranky? Last week, The New York Times ran a story by Claire Martin about a business that provides “Anger Rooms”, where people pay to take a bat and beat up TV’s and other “smashable” objects to release their repressed rage. This new idea for a business doesn’t surprise me much as I have

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becoming your own best friend

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

The other day, I overheard someone use the phrase, “she is her own worst enemy.” I know what that means and I know how that feels. I had been a life-long member of that club. But, we never hear: “she is her own best friend.” Here’s one of my former client’s internal contradiction: Barbara, let’s call her, could feel completely comfortable and at ease

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emotional extortion

Manipulation: 7 Vehicles Of Emotional Extortion

We are all masters of manipulation. We learn this form of communication from birth by copying what we experience with our parents and siblings. Monkey see, monkey do. It’s a form of emotional blackmail, hiding what our true needs are. You’ve manipulated others, and you’ve been manipulated, too. Do you see that’s the truth for us all? Conversely, when children are raised with respect

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How to Protect Yourself Financially If Your Partner Cheats

What’s the biggest issue for partners? Staying 100 percent faithful. When I think about infidelity’s impact on a marriage, my first reaction is: Where is the prenup? Unfortunately, most people don’t get a prenup because they are afraid to talk about money or their financial expectations (and they live in a fantasyland and believe divorce will never knock on their door). Ah-ha: Herein lies

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good enough mom

Being the Good Enough Mom

I have a coaching practice in L.A. where most of my clients are mothers. They usually come to me to sort out their stressful financial issues…only to discover it’s really not about the money. Mothers’ lives are more complicated than non-moms because having children automatically brings one into judgment about their ability and competence to be a Good Mother. I help my clients understand

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fear is not a stop sign

Fear Is Not A Stop Sign

For the last year and a half I have been working with a branding coach trying to define once and for all what exactly I do. The name FINANCIAL WHISPERER® sounds like I manage portfolios, or at the very least, dispense 401K information. As well, when I meet people, I spend the first 30 seconds explaining what I don’t do, and by then I’ve

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