The voices in our heads are hidden in plain sight. We all have them… welcome to being human. Often those voices are snarky and negative, rarely of praise and compliment. Those internal conversations tend to be one-sided and slowly lull us into the pit of shame, the cauldron of fear, the repository of feelings. And, when those voices start to creep into how we

Many weeks ago, I came across my baby book. My mother had kept notes about me until I was four. I did not speak until I was three and then it was in full sentences. She commented that I started dancing when I was three and had a good sense of rhythm and was very bossy to our new tri-color puppy, Chips. When I

Intimacy is learned at birth. The first eight to ten months of an infant’s life is the critical building block of time in his or her ability to trust, which confirms their self-esteem. The “good enough” mother will hold her infant to her warmth constantly and be able to anticipate the needs of her child. That need and appropriate expectation signals to the newborn:

Shame is huge. Quoting psychologist Michael Lewis, medical correspondent Holly Van Scoy calls it “the quintessential emotion.” Donald I. Nathanson, M.D., said, “All extravagant behaviors are reactions to it.” Shame is a learned response resulting from adult comments and behaviors designed to control a child’s behavior. It’s often generational, passed down from parent to child, and then to the child’s child. As a controlling

You should not need to ask permission to be who you are. It’s about control: who has it, who needs it, how does one get it. I have a list of critical words: #1 is NO: a statement of boundaries. #2 is WHY: a statement of accountability. # 3 is PERMISSION: a statement of control. This concept of needing permission is more common in

The drive for PERFECTION is learned very early in one’s childhood. It is based upon the assumption that if we are “perfect” we will be loved. But in fact, PERFECTION is a SHAME-based drive. It removes one from the moment, reduces playfulness and confidence. It has no limits. The drive for PERFECTION goes on into infinity, which is limitless, and has no boundaries to

I love talent shows and makeovers. Yes, I love the FAB 5 and wish I could have lunch with them. And Britain’s Got Talent is my go-to show to relax. Both have a transformative quality; in one, it’s about someone who has a big dream and a small stage. In the other, the person wants to start over and get a second chance at

This is Barbara’s story… There comes the day when you wake up and feel bewildered as to where you are. You just know that you are anywhere but happy. That moment is the tipping point of awareness that some things in your life feel vacant. When that day came for me, it wasn’t just a slight speed bump distracting me. It wasn’t a small

My life unraveled when I was 58. I was at my own financial cliff; I was getting divorced, moving out of our too expensive beach house in LA, my favorite dog was dying, and I need gum surgery. The intersection of denial and reality forced me to make a choice. I chose to save my own life, and the journey that ensured gave me