debt define who you are

Not Feeling Worthy

I love talent shows and makeovers.

Yes, I love the FAB 5 and wish I could have lunch with them. And Britain’s Got Talent is my go-to show to relax.

Both have a transformative quality; in one, it’s about someone who has a big dream and a small stage.

In the other, the person wants to start over and get a second chance at living authentically.

I can relate to both of them, not because Broadway is beckoning me but because the core root of both of them sometimes is really about not feeling worthy.

The wattage of our inner light diminishes.

I recently saw BGT… it could have been broadcast years ago but the message lives on.

A 26-year-old gal took the stage in front of 800 strangers. Mic in hand, she was going to sing something original.
Simon asked who she brought for support; “No one,”
she replied.

Simon asked her who knew she was going to audition.
“No one,” she replied.

The four judges looked at each other in disbelief.

Of course, the word WHY was on everyone’s mind.

Of course, Simon asked the heavy question.

Why was she keeping it all a secret?

Her response silenced the room.

The stillness rang loud.

She shared she never felt good enough, she felt undeserving.

I could hear the intake of the collective breath; her courage and vulnerability made time stand still.

And here comes the killer: when she started to sing, everyone’s jaw dropped.

Every judge looked with awe at the tone and depth of her voice.

And the rest, as they say, is history. She got the highest award… the GOLD BUZZER… everyone was beside themselves.

Feeling ‘not good enough’ is the offspring of SHAME.

We live in a society that breeds discontent.

No one is thin enough, rich enough, pretty enough,
six-pack enough. Exploiting those insecurities has made people rich.

The only people who escaped the jaws of discontent grew up in a family where their needs were met; they were held, they felt heard, they were encouraged to be themselves and respect was always the order of the day.

Their self-esteem was intact.

When we distill down to the basics, everybody wants and needs the same things:

Warmth, closeness, and acceptance.

It could be a 10-day-old infant to my 101-year-old father… they all want those three basic building blocks.

How did I shift from feeling undeserving to feeling worthy?

One day, I took off the blinders and called it for what it was—FEAR.

Fear of success. Fear of being seen for who I really was.
Fear of being rejected for who I really was.
Fear that I could not survive on my own; that I was going to need the very people who had rejected me as a child.

Then someone gave me Susan Piver’s: HOW NOT TO BE AFRAID OF YOUR OWN LIFE. And then Louise Hay’s YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE.

Those two books were the cornerstone of my healing journey.

I could have gone back into therapy but chose to bootstrap it on my own.

I came to exactly what I had been afraid of—my financial cliff.

I decided to get divorced and move out of our too-expensive beach house. I did not have a job, I needed gum surgery, my favorite dog was dying, and I was a plaintiff in a lawsuit.

WHEW… a lot on my plate.

But I chose to fight back at the Fear.

I sought clarity and truth as my compass.

And, out of all my struggling, I identified my true calling and became a coach.

A year later I got certified and wrote my first book and, as they say, the rest is history.

I CHOSE to heal… and so can you.

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